In my first draft of this post, a bunch of this didn’t really make sense. I guess that’s what happens when I have a limited amount of time and run on less than ideal sleep because of an adorable little three-month-old. So, this is revised and shortened.

I am often thinking about the state of our hearts in relation to a God who has no beginning and no end. He is Almighty, we are nothing and yet so loved. I worry that those who follow the Lord (or those who say they follow the Lord) do not truly cherish Him. And by no means do I cherish Him enough. Never enough. We want what we want without considering, pondering, and resolving to hear and do what the Lord wants of us. We are double minded. We have desires without taking seriously this sacred relationship. We have an agenda and often want to skirt the hard work of letting God burn the chaff and refine us in the process of getting where we want to go. We must accept in humility His discipline and wisdom, and consistently fill our hearts with His word.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:3-5

But we want what we want.

“They say to the seers,
‘See no more visions!’
and to the prophets,
‘Give us no more visions of what is right!
Tell us pleasant things,
prophesy illusions.
Leave this way,
get off this path,
and stop confronting us
with the Holy One of Israel!'” Isaiah 30:10, 11

And what is it that I really want? Where am I wrong and prideful? It’s a little too private to post online. (This is no cop out. If you really want to know I’ll be glad to tell you privately.) But God has shown me what He wants me to do in the middle of this ugly situation. Of course I’ve growled and thrown fits because God’s truth about our lives isn’t easy. So let’s suck it up, give our hearts and faithfulness to Him, and see what He does with it because He is the definition of faithful. What He does and what He asks of us (rather than us pushing our agenda) will always be better than what we want to do, even if the process is painful or not very sexy. What God does is worthy; let us remember that.


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